We throw the phrase “passive-aggressive” around a lot in my family. Sometimes we’re joking, sometimes we’re not, and the other day it made me stop and think, "Do we actually know what we mean when we say that?"

The best way I can describe it is this: it’s when someone doesn’t say what they really feel, but you can still feel it. It comes out in little comments, a certain tone, or even silence. And it leaves you sitting there thinking, “Okay, what just happened?” because nothing was said directly, but something definitely felt off.  And, often, you are left feeling like something is your fault.

What I’ve been trying to remind myself is that I don’t have to get pulled into that. I don’t have to respond, match the tone or energy, or fix the situation. Sometimes the best thing I can do is stay calm, ask a simple question, or just let it be without overthinking it. Not everything needs a reaction. And honestly, staying steady in how I respond feels a whole lot better than getting caught up in the back-and-forth.  

I'm hoping that learning how I respond is part of the whole still and steady idea. Not reacting to everything. Not taking on what isn’t mine to carry. Just staying focused and grounded in who I am and how I want to show up.

We can’t control how other people communicate, but we can choose to respond in a way that feels calm, clear, and true to us. And sometimes, that self-control is exactly what keeps things from becoming bigger than they need to be.