Dear Human,
We are writing on behalf of our client, Your Dog, regarding your unfulfilled obligation to subscribe them to BARK. While attempting to secure said subscription, you failed to complete your purchase. We are now prepared to extend this counteroffer: a free upgrade on your first box to four toys and four bags of treats.
To date, you have denied our client’s request for BarkBox, even though they are, by any legal definition, a “very good dog.” Your Dog feels betrayed — the way you feel when you bring one poop bag on the walk but then Your Dog poops twice and it’s like, wait, what do I do now, and it’s a whole thing. The lack of BarkBox in Your Dog’s life is threatening to become “a whole thing.”
Pursuant to the age-old contract between Dogs and Humans, it is the Human’s duty to “spoil the Dog, including but not limited to providing toys, treats, compliments, and the majority of the bed on a consistent basis.” Our client informs us that they have also been subjected to fake ball throws, trips to the vet, and pills hidden in cheese.
However, Your Dog did share that you are an incredibly loving and caring Human, one who has simply defaulted on their responsibility regarding the regular supply of toys and treats. As such, Your Dog is entitled to compensation in the form of monthly BarkBox goodies, starting with a free double deluxe upgrade.
Sincerely yours,
Scout from BARK Law
120 Broadway
New York, NY 10271
1-800-BARK-LAW
|
