Hey. I won't mince words. I've decided to change gears. From here on out Wimp will be a hellscape of caffeine the likes of which the world has never seen. No one will be allowed to be a customer who isn't working out at least twice a day. If you aren't running 3 businesses outside of your day job, and using AI agents to take over a small government somewhere that you've never even been, then you will be removed from our lists. It's game time. Let's fucking go. If you need decaf with biscuits and milk, your days are numbered!

Please tell me you know what day it is. 😂. I couldn't help myself. I hope none of you had an actual caniption.

There is no universe where I get back on that treadmill. I'm already too wound up. I need to chill, not vibrate like a... umm... phone. Yeah, phone is what I was thinking. 

But that's not why I'm writing. I want to reintroduce myself. I'm Matthew, I like to cuss. These newsletters are the most fun when I'm fully myself, and being myself means letting the real Matthew out of the cage. If that bothers you, I understand, unsubscribe with zero hard feelings. If you're cool with it, welcome to the real version of this thing.

What I'm realizing more and more with Wimp, is that it's a brand for outsiders. Decaf itself is the outsider of coffee. The coffee that didn't attend the prep rally. The coffee that was in the parking lot skateboarding. The coffee that was nerding out larping in the field. The coffee that knows more about Harry Potter than the stock market. The coffee that can kick butt, but kicked normal in the nuts. Why? Because Wimps misbehave when it comes to doing what everyone else is doing.

I noticed more decaf brands are launching, and that's great. It means people are finally taking this stuff seriously. But I'm not gonna lose my sanity over racing to make the best ecommerce brand out there. I'm not interested in the dialed-in influencer strategy of fake people trying to sell you all their bullshit. Liam and I are trying to build something slower, weirder, better, and more human than that. Very simply, we want to build a company that makes enough money for us to live calm lives without racing. We're doing it on the side of our day jobs, and so it has to be small, simple steps, and it has to be fun. Ya know?!

If any of this lands, reply. Tell me your outsider thing. Even a sentence. Getting replies is one of my favorite parts of doing this. It's like getting a little hit from the connection bong. I don't smoke weed, but if I did drugs I'd want a big bag of connection dope. Meh, they don't sell that yet.

XOXO,

Matthew

P.S. — Happy April Fools. The only joke was the caffeine, racing, hellscape thing. Everything else? Dead serious.

Ps. Today's beautiful work above is from this amazing Redditor who creates lovely cinemagraphs

A Silly / Clicky pointy.
My god this is the internet I need so badly right now.  Just a massive collection of photos of people pointing, but they point AT your cursor, and you're going to love this like I do. Please send thank you emails with your favorite emoji. But seriously, thank William. He hunted many of these links today. Hell yeah buddy.

A Dare / Can you do nothing for two whole minutes?
Ocean waves. Weird 90s looking bad browser designs. A timer. One rule: don't touch your mouse or keyboard for two minutes. I dare you. Forced stillness hits different when your brain won't shut up.

A Brain Blanket / Mix your own weather and disappear.
Ambient sound mixer. Rain, thunder, wind, waves, birds, coffee shop hum. Layer them, adjust the volumes, let it meander on its own. No account, no upsell. Chill as fuck.

A Globe / Live radio from anywhere on Earth.
This is like spin the bottle, but for radio and earth, and you get to listen to whatever is playing in that place. Spin to São Paulo, zoom into Tokyo, land in a jazz station in Split. No algorithm. No playlist. Just whatever someone on the other side of the planet is broadcasting right now. Thank God someone had the spare time to make this.

A Trick / The stain guide your grandma wishes she had.
AI can probably do this through chat now, but to hell with that. Someone made a site we can use and we should love on them for that. As a dad, and a sometimes messy eater, I need this kind of site.

William, thx again for the links. Sending you some coffee homie! Want free coffee for finding links? Look below 👇🏼

Light Roast

A light, smooth Ethiopian roast that tastes like blueberries and milk chocolate had a baby. Chemical-free decaf process, organic farm, and named after the farmer who rebuilt the whole thing from wildfire ash.

*We don't name coffees after people lightly. This one earned it.

I need 2-3 people who want to be link scouts for Wimp.

The job: send me your best internet finds. Stuff that helps us all exhale. The kind of thing that reminds us the internet used to be fun, and in some corners, still is. You know the vibe: decaffeinated, turn-the-volume-down, step-off-the-treadmill kind of stuff.

In exchange: you get a free Wimp subscription. Real decaf in the mail with your name on it. I promise to hand-pick and whisper sweet affirmations to every bean (possibly an exaggeration). If this sounds like you, reply to this email with your five best links. The folks with the best picks join the fray as link hunters.

Questions? We love curiosity! Email us.

How much communication do you want?

Wimp Decaf Coffee Co.
104 S Main St Suite 800, Suite #1045
Greenville, SC, 29601
United States

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